onezero

Hi

Here is a list of some of the worst songs ever, or, at least, songs that I really hate. To make the list, a song must be well known. Thus many entries are from the 1970s. Another requirement is that the song be extremely bad. This excludes run of the mill bad songs such as those on the Saturday Night Fever album.

Music can take people far away from everyday worries, give hope, and bring lots of nice things to mind. The songs in this list do none of these things. When these songs are heard, they can make people feel bad, or enraged. These songs cause profound utterances like, “Nooooo” and “Oohhhh.”

There is, however, a positive aspect to the worst songs: most of the time, you aren’t listening to them. Seeing the name of a bad song can remind us that we’re not hearing it now, and we probably won’t hear it any time soon. If you add up all the happiness that each bad song thus provides, well, that’s a lot of happiness.

And now, here are the songs. Included with some songs are little ditties to help identify them.

The Horrible Songs

Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocal Band. “oooo oooo afternoon delight. oooo ooo afternoon delight!”

Billy Don’t be a Hero – Bo Donaldson & The Haywoods.

Hooked on a Feeling – Blue Swede. “chaga ooga”^n, n>10^6.

Karma Chameleon – Boy George and the Culture Club. “karma karma karma karma karma chameleon.”

MacArthur Park – Donna Sommer, with an earlier version done by Richard Harris. “Someone left a cake out in the rain! It took too long to bake it, and I don’t know if I can make it, … Oh no!”

Mr. Tambourine Man – William Shatner.

Muskrat Love – The Captain & Tennille. Contains sounds too disgusting to reproduce with words.

Seasons in the Sun – Terry Jacks. “We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time.” Terry Jacks not only was at least partially responsible for this song, but he also gets an award for awful hair. There is some kind of music video-like clip of him where you can witness the hair and the song at the same time.

Teen Angel – Mark Dinning (I think). “Oh where oh where can my baby be? The good lord took her away from me.”

Honorable Mention

Abracadabra – Steve Miller. “Abracadabra. I want to reach out and grab ya.”

Bad Girls – Donna Sommer. “Bad girls. Talking’ bout some .. bad girls. Sad girls. Talking’ bout some .. sad girls.”

Kung Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas. Something like this: “Everybody was Kung Fu fighting. And it was so exciting. But it was so very frightening. But it was quite enlightening. And it was just like lightning.”

Loving you – Minnie Riperton (I think). “Loving you.. is easy ’cause you’re beautiful.”

Pop Goes The Weasel. This song is really not that bad. However, it has a problem that is immediately apparent if one visualizes a pop-goes-the-weasel toy ying on the floor on December 27, with a small child next to it.

You’re Having My Baby – Paul Anka.

CHA CHING

JACKPOT. It appears that the following songs may be found ON A SINGLE CD.

Hooked On A Feeling
Hitchin’ A Ride
The Night Chicago Died
How Do You Do?
Chevy Van
Dancing In The Moonlight
Rock Me Gently
Jungle Fever
I’m Doin’ Fine Now
Moonlight Feels Right
Afternoon Delight
Beach Baby
Sky High
Seasons In The Sun
Billy, Don’t Be A Hero
Tighter, Tighter
Beautiful Sunday
My Baby Loves Lovin’
Run Joey Run
One Tin Soldier, Legend Of Billy Jack
Rings
Shannon

Informational Note

Some of the titles and lyrics might not be quite right, but I think they are at least close. If you see mistakes, please let me know.

Do you have a song that you think should be on this list? Send it for consideration to ash at onezero.org. Please do not be offended if I don’t add it. I might not hate it as much as you do.

Related Items

A search for one hit wonders at the Google web search engine turns up lots of hits. Wikipedia has a good one hit wonders entry.

In 1995 or so, one Tony Romeo wrote an article about a different Tony Romeo that wrote the song “I think I love You” that was sung by the Partridge Family. The songwriter Tony Romeo passed away in 1995. The article pointed out the following: “The only people who think “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” is the worst song of the ’70s are people who’ve never heard “Run Joey Run. … Makes Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods sound like Jim Morrison and the Doors.” Apparently “Run Joey Run” is by one David Geddes. This song is listed on many pages around the web, and seems to inspire great hatred. I don’t know what this song sounds like, and I don’t hate it, so I’m not including it here. The article mentioned above seems to have moved or disappeared. Here is a different article written by someone named Tony Romeo that’s about the songwriter Tony Romeo.

At one time, a list at

http://www.astro.ucla.edu/~kaisler/mknoyes/badsongs.html

contained the worst songs to have stuck in yer head. The list included the Mexican hat dance. The author, like me, has a problem with “Pop Goes the Weasel.” WARNING: this list is dangerous to look at. Does anyone know where this list went?

Here is a list of bad album covers. WARNING: contains macho men.

This site with misheard lyrics has put tears in my eyes. Don’t miss the misheard lyrics for Manfred Earth Band’s Blinded by the Light.